CNN Discussion feat. Amanda Seales and Steve Santagati.

you know what, fuck it, I’m going to reblog this twice because I have a story to tell.

Almost two years ago I was approached by a man at a bar. He was very handsome— tall, with great cheek bones and the kind of eyes that crinkle at the corners with every smile. That man asked to buy me and my friends a drink. 

Not wanting to give him the wrong idea, we turned him down. None of us were single, and we’d all had experiences where men have expected things from us after providing seemingly generous acts of charity. 

That man spent the rest of the night harassing us. He followed us around the bar, dumped a beer over my friend’s head when she confronted him, made lewd comments about my ass when I walked passed to go to the bathroom. We tried to tell the bar staff what was happening, but with the room being so crowded, by the time we managed to locate the bouncer, he’d disappeared into a throng of people.

That man approached us when we were on our way to our car. He was verbally aggressive, throwing slurs at us and stepping into our personal space. When I pushed him away, he punched me in the face hard enough to knock me down. When my friend tried to call the police, he slammed her head into a wall. 

We were lucky that after that, he panicked an ran away. It could have been much, much worse.

Bottom line? Fuck you if you think all women want is attention from attractive men. Fuck you for eternity.

Attention from an attractive man didn’t give me an ego boost. It gave me a fucking black eye. 

“Attention from an attractive man didn’t give me an ego boost. It gave me a fucking black eye.”

men gotta stop this shit…


This makes me so sad because it’s true. 

More story time.

So, mine isn’t quite as bad as the one above – though it potentially could have been worse in terms of injury – I was riding the bus into town alone one day and this guy gets on. Not incredibly attractive but reasonably so. Anyway so he sits in the seat across the aisle from me and at this point I haven’t so much as looked up at him, and I have earphones in. So he leans across and says ‘Excuse me’ and I look over take out my earphone and he introduces himself. Not really knowing what else to do I say hi and then go back to listening to my music and decidedly not looking at him, and… he keeps on talking, told me he thought I was pretty. Not just talking but engaging me, asking me questions about myself and being that I am incredibly bad with conflict in person, I answer. I keep those answers short, and the moment I finish talking I turn away. This must happen like 10 times and he is absolutely not getting the hint that I am uninterested. He asks my name – I only give him my first – he asks what i’m studying, he manages to get it out of me that I’m making a film (i was going to town to buy props) and asks whether he can come and watch it, I say no and that I’m probably not even going (I’m funny about being around other people when they view my work), he says that I should and that he’ll come too. I tell him that I don’t know when they’re showing them yet. He asks about my living arrangements, where my department is … I give him as vague answers as I can.

By this point, my voice is physically shaking because I am socially anxious and not interested and in a confined space with someone I want to be 20 miles away from, I am not even looking at him when I answer, I am ignoring some of his questions completely and he is still not getting it.

I decide to get off the bus a couple of stops earlier than I might normally (knowing he is supposed to be going to the train station – he told me so) which is several more stops even than mine. 

He says he’ll get off there too. At this point I want nothing more than to sink into the floor because how is it possible he thinks I am interested? He walks off the bus with me and follows me up the street. He asks me directly if i’m interested I say ‘No, sorry’. He asks why I’m saying sorry. I say I was just trying to be polite. He still doesn’t leave. He asks me if he can get my number I say ‘No, sorry’ and again he tells me not to say sorry.

At this point I honestly worry he is going to follow me all the way into town, so I tell him I have to go in a totally different direction to the one I was planning on going, and start walking off the pavement. I turn with literally 1 second to realise there are cars coming and jump back. He laughs and says okay if i’d rather be run over he guesses I’m really not interested. This I ignore and cross the road – safely this time, without looking back – and thankfully, finally, he doesn’t follow.

This guy probably thinks he was being friendly. He probably thinks he was being nice. Just getting to know a girl. 

It took me actually almost walking backwards into traffic to get this guy to understand I wanted him to leave me alone.

This nice looking guy who told me I was pretty had me so rattled, I literally had no concept of anything but getting away from him.

So fuck that guy and his ‘self-esteem bolstering’ bullshit. That shit almost got me run over.


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